


Please just take this awful shell

by crookedspoon



Series: [std] Five Hundreds [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Banter, Dialogue Heavy, Established Relationship, Flirting, Gen, Halloween Costumes, Humor, M/M, POV Jason Todd, The Lord of the Rings References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 15:30:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16411118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: "Didn't they have those in your size anymore?"





	Please just take this awful shell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fudgyokra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fudgyokra/gifts).



> For #506 "Costume" at slashthedrabble and Fudgyokra who inspired this. (I'm sorry, I can't help myself.)
> 
> Since DC is adamant about chopping off all our boys' hair, I decided to give them even more of it. You're welcome.

If asked about it, Jason couldn't say with certainty why he let himself be talked into this. For one, he's just not used to so much _hair_ and can't seem to stop adjusting the wig. For another, the sword at his hip throws him off balance, making him feel medieval and clumsy.

His inward grumbling is all but forgotten the moment he lays eyes on Dick. He tends to have that effect on Jason. (That, or the opposite: amplifying his annoyance.)

"Didn't they have those in your size anymore?"

Dick, curse him, doesn't just turn around in surprise like normal people. No, Dick swings his head around so that his long blond tresses would arc over his shoulder the way they do in shampoo ads. All while his ass remains right in Jason's line of sight. (Not that he'd be staring or anything, but his tights are _tight._ )

"Knew you'd be looking." Dick grins.

"Me and half of Gotham," Jason huffs. Even with fine blond hair Dick's still the prettiest thing Jason's ever seen. No way he wouldn't turn the heads of anyone they'd encounter tonight.

"Only half?"

"The other half are lesbians."

"They can still _look._ "

Jason wants to roll his eyes. "If that was your goal all along, maybe you should have worn the scaly shorts instead. Those would make a blind man see."

"I can put 'em on later," Dick suggests, his voice low enough to him shiver. And people call Jason _bad._

"That a promise?" he asks, equally low so as not to be outdone. He sidles up close, pulls Dick toward himself and buries his face in his neck. Dick chuckles, winding his arms around Jason's shoulders. The synthetic smell of his wig's somewhat of a turn-off, but Jason only has to let his hands roam lower and _squeeze_ to make up for it.

"Stop being gross and let go of Grayson, Todd," a haughty voice demands.

Jason's shoulders sag. "Don't tell me we're babysitting."

"What if we are?" Dick smiles sweetly and bats his eyelashes. Sometimes Jason hates his stupid face.

"I thought it was just gonna be you and me. And Roy."

"It's Halloween, Jason. I can't just leave him here alone."

"You definitely could."

"If you are objecting to my presence," Damian interrupts, "you may as well address me directly instead of whining to Grayson."

"What are you supposed to be anyway?"

Damian is wearing chainmail and a leather armor, and Jason could swear that's red hair under his rounded helmet.

"He's _supposed_ to be Gimli," Dick says.

"Where's the beard?"

"I'm not wearing the beard." Damian glowers and shifts the grip on his battle ax.

"The beard is essential."

"I don't care."

"See, Dickie? We have to leave him here. He can't go out without the beard."

Dick makes a show of contemplating that. "Maybe you're right. He did say he didn't want this stupid outfit anyway."

Damian's eyes widen, and Jason's never seen him zoom back into his room faster.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "So Just Hang On, Beautiful One" by Au4.
> 
> Come say hi if you like: [dreamwidth](https://crookedspoon.dreamwidth.org/) | [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/crookedspoon) | [tumblr](https://crookedspoonfic.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/crookedteaspoon).


End file.
